Monthly Archives: December 2007

Re: Hi, miss you

Kristina, I’m a little worried since I didn’t hear back from you yesterday. I reread your email late last night and stared at your photos — as I often do while lying in bed wondering if I can come twice without the woman making me a sandwich in between — and I noticed that you mentioned being very tired twice in your last correspondence.

I’m wondering if your exhaustion is a sign of some dire physical condition. Maybe Cancer-related fatigue, or Fibromyalgia, peripheral arterial disease, or Trichomoniasis. Have your doctors run a contrast MRI, start you on steroids and high doses of prednisone, perform a biopsy, and check for a family history of neurological problems. I was pre-Med for two weeks back in college, and now I watch a lot of House. I know.

Of course the other possibility is that by writing to you many suggestive emails, sending you a photo of a random black man, and worshipping you and your nipples from afar, I have triggered some sort of Footloose-inspired Internet snowball of events, and gotten you pregnant.

Oh, Kristina! My love! My soulmate! We are having a lovechild, aren’t we?

I eagerly await your next email, your response and, especially, your next photos. Let me know what is going on.

I think we will have a wonderful life, the three of us. I am thrilled that your breasts will get much larger over the next months.

I love you.

Your Penis, Peter xoxo

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Re: Hi, miss you

Kristina, I can’t believe we will soon meet, and I can hold you, and touch you, and slurp on your neck, and then go fishing with your Dad! I can hardly contain my excitement! o s, imnr;orbsn;u excited! See? I was so excited, I typed half of that sentence with my fingers on the wrong keys!

The closest airport to me is Westchester County Airport (HPN) in White Plains, NY. I’m not sure anyone has ever flown in there from Moscow, but I am betting if you wear the white nipply shirt we spoke about earlier any pilot with a penis will redirect the flight for you.

On the money thing, I think you made a mistake laying out $200. My agent, whose name is Bond (James Bond), said that he could have done the paper work and got you the letters of transit for $50. The other option would be to fly through Casablanca, where my friend Ugarte also has letters of transit hidden in Sam’s piano at Rick’s place. But, I digress. I have spoken with two personal financial experts, Jean something and Suze Orman, and both of them assure me that we’d be better off arranging all travel from the States. You should probably send me money, and let me do the booking for you. We can talk more about that tomorrow.

What a wonderful holiday this is turning out to be! It’s a wonderful life. It’s a miracle on 34th Street. It’s a real Christmas story.

We shall be together soon, my love.

I remain,

Yours,

On multiple lines,

And with many commas,

Petey xoxo

Hi, miss you

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Hi my dear! I am glad to welcome again you and I with impatience wait, when I can tell to you HI – personally. Thanks for your message. Peter, my day was very intense and is very tired. I reached in office of agency and signed with them the contract. In conformity with the contract, the agency will prepare me for all documents for travel, to buy for me the ticket and to deliver me to the plane. From my city there are no planes to you and consequently I all over again will need to reach to Moscow, and therefrom already to you. My agent needs some information for a route of the plane, inform me dear, the address and the nearest airport to you to which I shall arrive. This information is necessary tomorrow that the agent could develop route and to establish all cost of travel. Today I paid in him the first part of money, for the visa and other documents for travel. It was in some times more, than I thought. I planned, that the visa will cost for me about 90 $, but because of difficulties for its reception is was for me 200. dear, it is possible, that to me you will be required the help for payment of other part of cost of travel. I have some money still, and also took some money at my parents, but it is possible them will not suffice for payment of the second part of cost, for insurance and tickets. It will be known after the agent will develop a route. The second part of cost I should pay under the contract, before to take away the visa. I shall inform you Peter, if to be necessary for me the help. I hope, that it will not be a problem for you and I can not worry about it. I informed you all news about promotion of our meeting and now I go to have a rest, I am very tired today. I hope, what I can soon embrace you Peter. I wait for your messages my lovely . My kisses and embraces!

Yours Kristina.

P.S. Do not overlook to inform the address and the near airport.    

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Re: My words to you from across the ocean

Kristina, that is soooooo exciting about the visa and your plans to come meet me, and the thought that together we “shall decide the question on payment of them.” I have, how you might say, “mine magnificent erection” at the prospect of soon meeting you and fondling your bare breasts.I think the first thing we do after you step off the airplane is get some food in you! Look at those skinny bones falling out of that bikini! I read somewhere that the average blowjob nets about 15 calories. So, that’s a quick 931 caloriies in the cab ride from the airport, assuming we stop along the way and get you a Burger King Double Beef Whopper (916 calories).

My travel agent says he can probably get a visa for a conjugal visit pretty cheaply. Let me know what number your guy comes up with, then I’ll let you know the cost my guy comes up with, and we can just go with whichever one is cheaper. I am sending you a photo of how I imagine you’d look if you try to extort me! LOL. Funny, right?

I am so full of lust right now, my dear. I can’t wait to see you in person, so we can exchange saliva and get to know each other even better. Please send some nude shots, and I promise not to post them on my blog.

Lovingly,
Peter xoxo

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My words to you from across the ocean

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Hi my lovely ! I am glad to speak again with you! dear, I have good news to you. Today I have met the agent travel to learn concerning the visa. he has explained me a situation about reception of the visa to you. Your government has made more strict control over entrance to the country because of terrorism and consequently to receive to you the visa uneasy. But the agency will make it for me. The agent has told, that they recently already received some visas of tourists in your country. I am very glad , that we will not have with it big difficulties. I all over again had fears, that the agency cannot it to make or for this purpose very long time will be required. But the agent has told, that the visa will demand from them one week. Tomorrow I will need to reach in office of agency, to sign there the contract and also we shall decide question on payment of them. [Ed note:  I added the emphasis there so that you wouldn’t miss it.]  Now it is time to me to go lovely to make photos for the visa and to fill in questionnaires for embassy. The agent has told, it should be is prepared tomorrow when I shall come to them to office. I very  pleased, that now our preparations have begun and through small time we shall be together! Write to me lovely ideas. I wait for your messages. Kiss of you!!! Yours Kristina.

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Re: Some news

Whoa, Kristin, you heathen, you write me on the birthday of maybe our most famous Immaculate Child and nary a mention of Christmas at all?  Jesus, you’re really risking a good smiting there, babe.

It’s funny that you’re mentioning a travel agency, since I had the same idea and I, too, contacted a travel agent earlier in the day.  In my country, we say “Great minds think alike!”  (That expression is not as popular as the one I told you about earlier: “Show me your tits!”  LOL. (Do they say LOL in your country?  It means Laugh Out Llama.  I guess llamas laugh even more than hyenas. (Also, do they let you nest parentheses where you come from?)))

Anyway, I contacted my travel agent, who apparently is even more of a heathen than you, since he works on Christmas — wink, wink llama, or “WWL” as the kids say — and he is looking into getting you to NYC.  How great would that be?  What a fantastic Christmas present!  Maybe I’ll be able to ask you for money for a visa before you even get to ask me!

Please write me back and let me know when you know what you know.  I am so excited to soon be able to meet you.
 
Lovingly, on this very special Christmas,

P. xoxo  (LOL, WWL)

Some news

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Hi my dear! I am glad to your message and thank, that you understand me. You are, one of those few people , in which I can find understanding. How has passed your day dear? I hope, that at you all OK! I have some news to you . Today I had telephone conversation with agency of travel. They have told, that to receive the visa of the tourist in your country difficultly, but they, probably can to help me in it. The agent did not begin to discuss a detail by phone and we have appointmented tomorrow. Tomorrow I shall meet them and to discuss a question with the visa. I hope, lovely, that all will be – OK. I have some excitement concerning all it, but also I have firm intention to meet you dear! Therefore any difficulties will not stop me. Write to me, yours messages, dear, give  me many forces and energy.

My gentle kisses.

Yours Kristina.

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