Re: Hello, gorgeous [Redux]

Wow, Kristina.  The old men sitting around in the Russian boiler room really kinda fucked up.  Or perhaps you’ve had a stroke.  You sent me this same email back on December 17th. 

It’s kind of a twisted, sexy, foreplay-laced twist on the Twilight Zone.

But, okay, I’ll play!  I’ll simply repeat my original response to your original email.

Oh, you playful little vixen, Kristina! How you toy with me! That’s not the photo of your pussy I have been dreaming of!

You asked how I like to spend my free time. My days are quite hectic, as next month I will take my software company public, and I have been unloading a hedge fund I control, so that I can focus my attention on the new public entity. As I am sure you can imagine, unloading $2.3 billion of stock without deflating share price through large block trades requires some ingenuity. In the meantime, two eBay auctions of American Girl clothing is keeping me mighty busy. I also like movies, soft rock, and Chinese food.

I sense that you, very much like me, are a true romantic. I, too, often dream of a romantic evening with a lovely person. And, like you, it can be supper or a simple walk. Or, sometimes, simply walking to get supper. There is no woman in my life right now. For a short while I was married, but it didn’t work out, in part because I had a crush on Kristin Chenoweth, whom my wife claimed she was “just another large-breasted midget nymphomaniac with a great smile.” My wife always hated women with great smiles.

I guess she was always just jealous. I’m not very jealous at all, and if spending the holidays with a large crowd pleases you, I would willingly spend Christmas or New Years with you and your cousins or friends. I am assuming, of course, that some of your cousins, or maybe your closest friends, are large-breasted nymphomaniacs with great smiles. Let me know, will ya?

Tell me, Kristina, do you like giving backrubs? I love a good massage. That’s one of my favorite ways to get intimate with a woman. I love getting to know her, hearing about her dreams and fears, learning all about her hopes and desires, her fantasies and her passions, as long as she’s rubbing my back and kneading my kneck as she’s yapping away. Do you like (giving) massages, Kristina? I hope so! I can usually tell if I have met my soulmate within the the first hour, or two, or three, of getting an erotic massage.

Thank you for the embraces. I long for the gentle warmth of your breath on the back of my neck. As you lean down to work on the crick just above my shoulder blades, I mean.

I look forward to your next email, my love.

Please write me soon, and continue to think of me as your favorite,

Penis xoxo

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